On IMDb, this movie is billed also as a comedy. I don’t remember the early 90s that well, in fairness, but it’s a mystery to me how this is at all funny. Like, it starts in an orphanage, there’s an attempted rape, stalking, and heart disease… Does one hockey game really make a difference?

Caroline (Marisa Tomei) is a diner waitress in Minneapolis. She falls in love too quickly and men treat her badly. Adam (Christian Slater) is a diner busboy with a heart condition, a dog, a lot of books, and no parents. Rosie Perez is Caroline’s sassy waitress friend. Her name is Cindy, apparently, but, you know, it’s Rosie Perez. Oh, and then a couple of dudes attack Caroline and Adam saves her (because he follows her home, which is obviously way better than being a rapist, but isn’t…great), so she falls for him.

So I guess you could say that both Caroline and Adam have heart conditions! Only some of them are metaphorical!

Marisa Tomei is, of course, adorable. But her charm and her (as far as I can tell) plausible Minnesota accent are wasted on a dodgy script and a taciturn and ill-groomed Christian Slater. The 90s were definitely a time when we could not tell the difference between “deep and quiet” and “possibly Nell, from the movie Nell.” Or between “sensitive hair” and “doesn’t know how to buy shampoo.” Or even between”sweetly devoted” and “sneaks into your bedroom regularly and watches you sleep.”

Director: Tony Bill
Rating: PG-13
Length: 102 minutes
Score: 2/5