This movie could have been substantially worse. But let me run a few things by you:

  1. Mystique is angry at everyone and lectures people about mutantdom or something (and basically acts a lot like Katniss Everdeen, which isn’t more attractive if you’re blue and naked).
  2. Erik Lensherr needs to be reminded that humanity is probably worth saving, Nazis and other bigots notwithstanding. But first people are awful and somebody dies.
  3. Somebody gets into Charles’s head, and it’s a problem.
  4. Some long-latent cosmic power is defeated with suspicious ease by an unlikely bunch of mutants who realize at the last moment that they need to work as a team.

Does that sound like…every X-Men movie?

Everyone’s phoning it in at this point, with the exception of Rose Byrne’s Moira McTaggart, who remains the only person in these movies with any sort of consistent and rational appeal. This is the point of Moira, of course. Jennifer Lawrence is just recycling her pouting noxiousness, James McAvoy and Michael Fassbender are visibly bored (which is understandable), and Oscar Isaac is unrecognizably painted blue, so you can’t really tell if he’s acting. The kids have very little to do–there are too many characters to bother caring about them, particularly when Psylocke (Olivia Munn) is given practically no dialogue (or clothing!). Conversely it’s probably a relief that Jubilee (Lana Condor) is barely there.

The fights are fine; the effects are fine; the Egyptian stuff is Mummy levels of insane nonsense, but who really cares.

Hmm. Maybe I just need to stop watching superhero movies until they seem less samey and dumb. Except Ragnarok: Once Thor with Feeling. I am going to see that a hundred times.

Stray observations:

  • Apparently Ally Sheedy has a small part. I didn’t notice.
  • “I’m blue! I’m Kurt!” Nightcrawler is always going to be the most charming.
  • Young Scott is not handsome enough.

Director: Bryan Singer
Rating: PG-13
Length: 144 minutes
Score: 3/5

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