You know what I love about the Mission: Impossible movies? I love the lack of lady-nonsense. Possibly I should resent that they don’t even attempt to pass the Bechdel Test, but I only tolerate the string of disposable beauties in Bond movies out of habit, and I’m glad I don’t have to do that here. It’s great that he’s married and can’t see her, that Julia (Michelle Monaghan) is essentially the dog from John Wick, except living. Could there be ladies without lady-nonsense? Rogue Nation suggested that the answer might be yes–Ilsa (Rebecca Ferguson) was tough and not especially interested in Ethan–but here we get mired in sentiment and silliness.

MV5BMTk3NDY5MTU0NV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwNDI3MDE1NTM@._V1_UY268_CR0,0,182,268_AL_The rest is pretty great, though. The Syndicate from previouslies has metastasized into The Apostles, and they’re looking for nukes. Ethan (Tom Cruise, as you know) accidentally sort of loses track of the nukes. So he and a CIA agent called Walker (Henry Cavill, whose accent is admirable) have to halo-jump into Paris and blah de bloo de blah it’s a M:I movie and there are shenanigans and hijinks galore.

There’s a pointlessly goofy super-villain(-spy?), the White Widow (Vanessa Kirby), who only wears white and seductively sips martinis and is probably the worst part of this movie. There are Simon Pegg and Ving Rhames, who are great, because they’re always great and they see no reason not to be great here. Alec Baldwin isn’t even phoning it in. There are chases and gadgets and it may not make much sense but it is mostly loads of fun.

Except when it isn’t, and, bear with me here, but I don’t like my M:I movies with gravity except of the literal kind that makes Tom Cruise fall out of and off things. Sure, Ethan has the occasional feeling, that’s good. Ving Rhames makes the occasional speech, which is fine because it’s Ving Rhames. And, yes, the stakes are usually very, very high. But they are usually cartoonishly high, and here it’s a little too grounded and serious.

Also the lady-nonsense.

Stray observations:

  • Motorcycle chase? Amazing.
  • Jump? Incredible.
  • Rooftop chase? Tom Cruise, he cray.

Director: Christopher McQuarrie
Rating: PG-13
Length: 147 minutes
Score: 3/5

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